three years on, new life

I have been for a walk.. went down the road to the left of the school, and back through the oval connected to the school at the base of the hill, and then as the siren went, I walked back up the hill with the children. 

I was feeling alot better.. and I am feeling more awake.

I returned to sit at my desk and ponder the words of Peter, and scripture of Luke from ACTS.  The "title" of the section grabbed me more than anything.. with current block buster movies etc.. "the fellowship of the believers" ..

Peter's address concludes with:

' "Save yourselves from this corrupt generation"

Those who accepted his message were baptised and about Three Thousand were added to their number that day.  They devoted themselves to the Apostles' Teaching, and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.'

This had me pondering where I need to go in my walk.. the word devotion.  Something I think i'm sometimes lacking in my life.   Utter devotion to my Faith, Utter devotion to my Wife, utter devotion to my Work.  All these things if used correctly will uphold my work toward God.

Anyway.. more of my ramblings to come.

I have this strange feeling of Maturity beckoning.   It is really odd.  I've been 30 years old for 2 days now .. and maybe theres some of the reason for it.   I know that God has something planned for me.. A direction, a sense of Ministry for me, either to me or from me (from Christ, through me, via me, through Christ). 

I recently read, and would like to reread a few times, "Wild at Heart" which talks about the Christian Man's passion for adventure.  It talks about boyhood and Manhood, and the three basic parts to a man's search for meaning: An Adventure to live, A Battle to Fight, and A Beauty to Win. 

The Adventure to live mentions not only something exciting but also the occasional need for wilderness.. the excitement of it yes but also the loneliness..  It recalled the times when Jesus went to the mountain to pray .. on his own .. this really calls to me .. i really sometimes just want to go away for the day and pray.. or if i cannot just bring myself to pray at least sit with the thought about prayer.. (that seems to me the best way to get started sometimes.. ) ..

.. side note.. i was watching an interesting documentary about some painters who as a group for the past 10 years have gone to wilderness and industrial areas and just painted.. from the same location, at different angles, but sometimes of each other.. quite often in silence..  .. I have a little goal in mind to learn how to paint.. wouldnt that be great..

ok back to the blog.

A battle to fight.  This talks about not so much winning a battle .. as in Good versus Evil even though that is the ultimate battle.. it doesnt say a War to win.. but a battle to fight.  I think that not only my sin life struggle but also the act of going to the battle.. taking the battle to satan instead of just living my sinful life  .. i think that is what is meant by experiencing a battle to fight and If i do not enlist Christ in my battles, I am merely 1 human being fighting against an army of darkness.   My recent battles have been hindered. 

I am giving away some collectable cards I have amassed over the years preceding my conversion to Christianity.   Although possible "christian sense" says .. give them all away if they are causing a problem.. its not the cards that are causing the problem .. its sifting through them to find the ones actually worth dollars.. my preference is to sell the ones worth something, and convert a pagan-like activity to something of Christian worth.  

This particular battle is a strange one .. i know that is is fighting my psyche .. if that is the right word.. As i flip through the cards I recall playing the game.  I recall "wasting my money that day, or feeling sad .. or someone ripping me off from a trade" .. and then I feel angry.. or saddened ..

back to the book..  

A battle to fight is really about learning about the battles .. the real battles we fight day to day.. for me.. Lust, pornography, magic/witchcraft, self loathing.  Jaki and I were up the other night talking about ways to minister.. and I thought about the concept that if we work out what Fruit of the Spirit cancels the Sins of Man, then we can have Christ work on the Fruits in our lives to help us overcome specific Sins.. I dont know.. but its something I'm thinking about.

Finally there's a beauty to win..

Well my beauty is Jaki .. and my battles frequently end with me snapping at her, and losing my temper, and retreating from her (just had a mental note of the Knight in shining armor fighting his way through the jungle, through the snakes and spiders, reaching the clearing, seeing her tied to a post, and then running away because she's so beautiful).   I guess I just dont feel worthy of her love.. I also dont feel worthy of Christ's Love.  But Jaki forgives me always .. sometimes reluctantly, but its there.. I think as a husband I have to win her daily, but not just fight through my battles but be there to support her in her battles.. My particular beauty is a Celtic Princess, but not only that.. she's a Warrior Princess.. and I am not just her Royal Servant, but her Prince, fighting along side her.. I will let her fight her own battles but I should make sure I am there to back her up, so that she can fall back and let me fight. We are after all "one flesh"

That all having been said .. lets see how I cope over the next week or so. 

Stay Tuned,

God Bless,

Trevor

Feeling alot happier today, yet strangely tired.  I think it has something to do with the holidays.  My life seems to be simpler and I seem to have a little more energy when I am working and come home and can to some housework than when I am home and theres no REAL pressure to get dressed properly, or do the dishes or washing.  

I must say that I have been strangely distracted .. the other thing I have noticed over the last couple of days is that I have a seemingly insatiable hunger for food.   Overly so.. i've been feeling bloated and I know apart from possibly too much chocolate over the past week, I havent really had all that much dairy products.. which I am allergic to ..

I dont really know what to make of it but I think it is part of God trying to tell me something. 

Good Evening to you where you are .. where ever that is .. no matter what time that is..

Hrm.. after much procrastination, I have been pressured to put yet another boring log entry..

well maybe no so boring..

It was my birthday yesterday.. i do feel 1 year older.. i never really noticed the changes before .. I guess not really having "celebrated" my birthday in the last few years and then having some people with which to share it .. It really makes a big difference. 

I was not expecting to see more than a couple of people.. if that.. We had chosen a nautical theme .. I've never been big on themed parties.. my next before last one was my 21st and the memories of my antics just make me cringe.. But this time there were well no drugs and very little alcohol. .

Now blogs are where you record your feelings yes.. kinda like .. "dear diary.. today I feel sad.." .. well I dont feel sad.. .. I do however feel that I should feel more mature.. Like I'm supposed to turn more to Christ's example.. if not Christ then his Disciples.. I have a long way to go.

God Bless